Checked out

I've noticed I can't really remember this week. Not in a worrying way, I think. More that my brain has been switched off in the background while the rest of me kept going. Things happened, I did them, and they slid off without leaving much behind. I'd open my laptop, close it, eat something, open it again. If you asked me to walk you through any of it in detail, I couldn't. It's not that the week was empty. It's that I wasn't really there for most of it.

It's a strange state to be in. Not bad, not heavy exactly. Just blank. Someone could ask me what I did on Wednesday and I'd genuinely have to guess, and the guess would probably be wrong. The days are doing their job of passing, and that's about all I can say for them. I keep waiting to feel something specific about it, frustration or worry or even relief, and nothing arrives. It just is what it is, and I just am where I am.

I don't know if I want to fix this or just wait it out. Maybe both. Maybe neither. Some part of me thinks I should be doing something, drinking more water, sleeping earlier, the usual list. Another part thinks the brain knows what it's doing and is just taking the week off without asking me first. Fuck this.