Longing

I wanted to write this a little earlier but these last few weeks or maybe even months have been so fucking exhausting. Like its so difficult to stay consistent with everything - work, gym, and so much more going on. Feels like I'm almost never doing nothing, which is good - in a way that all this keeps me distracted, but it can sometimes become too much.

But every now and then there would be something nice that happens, something nice to experience and everything suddenly seems alright. Something happened last friday night. We are all prepped for sleep at 11 and suddenly there is a knock on the door, and outside is my sister, who has come to surprise us lol. Last time she did something like that I knew beforehand but there was absolutely no indication whatsoever to any of us. It's good to see her, her presence is a warmth that nothing else can compare to...

Every time we meet it reminds me how I always thought that the three of us would always be together, we'd see our parents' siblings and think that we'd never be like that, never grow apart. But now I am all alone, longing for that feeling, for that bond, for those memories, I know I will never get those again. Like a light at the end of a tunnel I'll never reach. I can't show what I feel, can't express what's burning me. I wish things were different... but it's a longing I know will only end with me...

Anyway, I'll take the warmth where I can get it, and stay distracted when I can't.

Till next time :)